Naruto Writing Memes

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Versus Meme
modpuppet wrote in naruto_meme
We're posting September's prompt up a day early to give you a jump-start on the competition! Because...
it's the Versus Meme!

+ Pick a character/pairing, any character/pairing you want.
+ Pick a competitive scenario - i.e.: 'Kakashi enters Pakkun in the Konoha Dog Show.' 'Naruto vs Sasuke - the epic battle finally happens!' or 'The Sannin play Strip Poker' Anything that puts one person against another, against the clock, against the environment, etc., goes.

+ Your post most be ANONYMOUS.
+ For organizational purposes, please post prompt pairings/keywords in the subject of your comment.
+ Play nice. This should be fun for ALL.
+ For every request you make try to fill out AT LEAST one request. Give and you shall receive (and the meme shall live on!).
+ Do not CLAIM prompts. Any given prompts can be filled infinitely, so you needn't claim the one you're writing, out of fear someone else will write for it as well. The more the merrier!
+ Make sure to watch the threads you start, so you'll know when your request has been filled/if any anon has replied asking for a clarification of your prompt.
+ Feel free to rec this far and wide!

* PLEASE DO NOT "SECOND" PROMPTS. SECONDING INEVITABLY LEADS TO FICS NOT GETTING WRITTEN. 'Seconded' comments will be deleted. No questions asked.

If you have any questions or concerns, please LJ message one of the new mods (thisl0ser0mega19x or anat_astarte) not [info]modpuppet !

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Face Cream 2

"What was he like?" Orochimaru avidly asked. "Purely physically, of course. Was he a handsome man? Did he age well?"

Sasuke's perfectly blank face was a clear clue as to how much he wished to think about his father's physical appeal.

"He died when I was eight years old and I hadn't activated my sharingan yet," he answered in a clipped, dismissive voice. "I don't remember."

From what he could remember, Kabuto also knew that Sasuke took more after his mother. Though it wouldn't be wise to mention it.

"Oh," Orochimaru pouted again. "Well then, I have a mission for you, my boy. A very, very important mission."


Sasuke stalked into the supermarket, dutifully followed by his beloved aura of killing intent. As a well trained ninja, it took him 2.5 seconds to map out his surroundings and determine where he had to go and which way was the best (that is to say not the most direct, but the most discreet one).

He didn't shudder while treading the baby products aisle, dove skillfully into the alcohol section-

(Crouching in front of a shelf of sake was an excessively nondescript man - obviously a henge - scratching his head in perplexity and grumbling: "It would be easier if the pervert kept the bottles instead of drinking out of his bloody flask. What d'ya think, Gamakichi?" Sasuke stalked past before he could be noticed by someone crazy enough to ask a toad for advice.)

-he ducked away at the right time, silently ran along the rows of cleaning products with his body bent in two, glided from one gigantic pack of toilet paper to the other, jumped over the spices shelf and found himself exactly where he wanted to be: in the realm of cosmetics.

Uh. There were a lot of women here. Like, a lot.

(Sasuke briefly considered henge-ing himself into a woman for the sake of caution, but the mere thought of it brought back memories - brought back very bad and very awful memories of blond pigtails and pink clouds and he scratched the idea at once.)

He let his eyes rove over the shelves and was almost at once interrupted by some hideous heap of flesh and fur and red lipstick and jewels - he thought it might have been a woman a long time ago in a galaxy far far away - that bent over and suffocated him with a wave of toxic perfume.

"How sweet," the thing gushed. "Are you shopping for your mother?"

Sasuke, who hadn't caught Orochimaru's interest for nothing, sustained the assault with all his Uchiha strength and stoicism: he held his breath and managed not to waver.

"For my boss," he bit out, wondering if the Uchiha Glare was liable to work on such creatures as the one standing in front of him.

The non-human being blinked and then its bloated, greasy lips curved into - something that might have tried to pretend it was a smile. "Oh, really?" it slowly purred, raising a fat hand covered in red nail polish, heavy rings and wobbly wrinkles that came alarmingly close to Sasuke's shoulder. "Tell me, young man, how much does she charge for a whole evening with you?"

Sasuke had sharingan-ed the thing before he could think about it - it was becoming some sort of defensive reflex as of late - and didn't wish to know what was shown by the illusion that had it suddenly rushing towards another aisle tripping over its own feet.

He took a second to breath and regain his cool (Orochimaru hadn't told him this mission was A-ranked), then turned back to his analysis of the shelves.

There were a lot of products. Like, a lot.

So that's what the real mission was about, Sasuke mused. Finding the right one. ASAP.

Well. An Uchiha would never step back in front of such a challenge.

Face Cream 3


"Very well, Sasuke," Orochimaru hissed. "I knew I could count on you."

He was inspecting the face cream tube the young Uchiha had brought back with his usual creepy, intrigued smile.

Sasuke had tried to find the most insulting guarantee he could and had settled for a product against "crater-inducing dryness", "waxen complexion", "flabby skin" and "premature decrepitude". He'd been disappointed when he hadn't found anything against "whitening scales" or "hanging slough".

Apparently the subtlety of Sasuke's scathing insults were lost to his so-called master who kept on scrutinizing the tube with satisfaction, rambling like the old man he feared of becoming.

Sasuke sneered internally then shrugged and left for some training in hiding. Final goal: escape Karin and her finely attuned perception powers for a whole day in spite of her obsession.


"Ow. This cream stings a bit," Orochimaru complained while Kabuto was smearing the product on his face.

"It must have a very powerful effect," was the medic-nin's answer while he complimented himself for having kept his protection gloves on.


The following day, Sasuke didn't bat an eyelash when a horrified screech made the walls of the cave rumble and several corridors crumble on themselves and on the poor souls that happened to pass by.


Things Sasuke knew:

1) Somewhere on the way to his beloved, alas rarely seen labs, Kabuto was cautiously biting back a sigh. Sasuke was still hoping the medic-nin would one day slip up and the snakes he'd summoned would catch him at it. Orochimaru's wrath would be very entertaining.

2) No one would ever suspect him of having replaced the content of the cream tube with scouring agent. Even after a year in Oto, he was still considered the softie newbie, which irritated the hell out of him but could sometimes come very handy.

3) As a consequence, there would very soon be a new assassination-mission against some CEO of a cosmetic company to which he would take part in the name of training. Which was good, since he was beginning to get bored now that he'd explored every single nook and corner of Orochimaru's lair.

Sasuke smirked to himself, and went to his room to get ready.


(hope you like it even if old age doesn't win on its own :) )

Re: Face Cream 3

Ha! Finally a Oto!version in which Sasuke is still a teenanger.
Come to think of it, Tsunade should be grateful...

Not OP

That was fantastic for its mental images alone. The good writing and characterization are awesome bonuses as far as I'm concerned. I love the role of Kabuto here as the loyal, suffering subordinate. Great job!

not op either

wonderful! Orochimaru just sounds so petulant here. The ending was perfect, and Naruto's cameo was lovely.

Re: Face Cream 3 - OP

hahahaha!! This is so funny! Great job, Anon! I loved it!

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